Information for your journeyBereavement
Unfortunately, not every baby survives being born premature or sick
Content warning: This section deals with infant loss.
While grief is a normal part of the human experience, dealing with the death of a newborn is particularly distressing. Often people will experience different emotions, or ways of grieving this loss. For this reason, it can be a very isolating experience.
We have interviewed parents who have been on this journey and collated the information in this section to help others. We hope this information brings you strength.
Being told that your baby will not survive
In some cases, you might be told that your baby is not going to make it and you might even be given the choice of when, and in which environment, you wish to cease medical support. Making this decision is incredibly difficult for families and you may find yourself wondering ‘how am I going to cope?’.
It is important for you to take your time to come to terms with this. It’s also important to share your thoughts and feelings with someone, perhaps a close friend or relative, hospital staff or a specialist grief or loss professional.
Members of our team at LLTF have experienced a similar loss and are happy to discuss their experience and support you through this difficult time.
Contact usHospitals and Bereavement
Every hospital will have different options to help you during this time. Some hospitals have rooms where you can stay the night with your baby so you can take your time to say goodbye. Although some families will wish to spend the night with their baby after they pass, others may not and will prefer to say goodbye in a private room, or in the nursery. Remember every family is different, and you must decide what is right for yours.
At many hospitals, they facilitate acknowledgment of the baby’s life through a variety of means including holding, touching, bathing, dressing, naming and blessing. A memory folder may be created, photographs and special mementos provided, such as clothing for the baby, hand-made quilts and teddy bears. Ask your health professionals what the options are for your family.
The Royal Women’s Hospital provides guidance on creating meaningful memories. How parents choose to remember their baby is a deeply personal decision, shaped by what matters most to you and your family.
Read more here
Making arrangements to say goodbye
The way you choose to honour your baby’s life and say goodbye is completely up to you. You may decide to say goodbye in the nursery, or want a small private ceremony or funeral for immediate family only. Alternatively, you may wish to invite friends and extended family to say their final farewells to your little treasure. There is no right or wrong way to say goodbye and the decision must be right for you and your family.
What can help at this time?
Talk to people about your baby
Sharing stories of your baby may help you deal with your overwhelming emotions and this is often part of the grieving process. Friends and family may assume that talking about your baby might be difficult for you and avoid the topic so you might need to explain to them why remembering your baby through conversation is important to you.
You can read more on Bereavement on page 83- 87 of our ‘A Guiding Hand for Families in NICU & Special Care Nurseries’ book, now available on e-reader page 86-91. Please click on the link below –
Read more here
Remember your baby in your own way
Families often choose a special way of remembering their baby. You may light a candle on the 1st day of each month, plant a tree or take balloons and flowers to the cemetery on their birthday. Whatever you choose, it will help you, and others, remember that your baby is part of your family forever.
“When Riley passed away, we chose to remember him by collecting foxes. All around our house are little foxes – ornaments, pictures and we have a beautiful soft toy fox too. When I see one of these items out of the corner of my eye, I remember him. He is with us always.” – Tanya, Mum to Riley, Asher and Jude.
Helping siblings understand
The loss of a baby due to early pregnancy loss, medically advised termination, stillbirth or newborn death is a traumatic event for all family members. Explaining the death of a sibling to children can be daunting for parents dealing with their own grief. It’s common for parents to feel unsure about how to approach the topic . To address this need, we developed My Brave Journey – an interactive, guided colouring – in book for children aged 2 – 10 years. We recommend parents and children can work through the book together at a pace that feels right for them. Order a hard copy from our shop below.
Order My Brave Journey here
Tips for supporting children when their baby sibling dies in the Neonatal Unit
As you navigate your own grief, it’s crucial you also support your other children through this difficult time, acknowledging and addressing their emotions with compassion and understanding.
Please click on the following link for some helpful tips to support siblings during this challenging time.
Read more hereBereavement Stories
Bec and Khye’s Story
Bec and Khye have had two boys born prematurely, Josh and Lukas. Josh was born in Canberra Hospital at 33 weeks and 4 days, weighing 2000g and Lukas at 25 weeks and 1 day weighing only 780g. Unfortunately little Lukas did not survive being born prematurely.
Find out more
Tash and Matt’s Story
Thomas and Aaron’s battle started just over 5 weeks earlier in our home town in country Victoria. On the 21st of May it was discovered that I was 3cm dilated and Thomas, our Twin 1’s, membranes were bulging. I was rushed to Melbourne right in the middle of COVID.
Find out more
Jasmine and James’ Story
In our family there is myself (Jasmine) My husband James. We have 3 children – Pippa, 8, William who would been 6 and our youngest child Ezra who is 10 months old. William was born unwell at 40 weeks and would eventually be placed in pallative care.
Find out moreQuick Links to organisations that can help
The Better Health Channel
Provides a comprehensive fact sheet for families going through miscarriage, stillbirth or neonatal death
Red Nose
Is Australia’s leading authority providing bereavement support for anyone affected by miscarriage, stillbirth the death of a baby or child.
Sands – now Red Nose Grief and Loss
Is a volunteer-based organisation providing individualised care from one bereaved parent to another.
Grief Australia
Offers bereavement counselling and support services
GriefLine
Provides support through their anonymous telephone counselling service
Contact Us
We can put you in touch with the right people